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Im unmotivated..


Mad_Maxine's picture
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Im unmotivated..
#1 Submitted: Tue, 05/05/2015 - 01:56

This is kinda just me. talking as if im talking to a therapist.
so.. If you dont wana listen. go away, This I just need to open it,say a bunch of stuff, explain some stuff.

Also my tablet dosent work right now so heres some stuff ive done with a mouse.. doodling with a mouse just brakes up my typing and hopefully gives you something to look at while I do this..

So things have not been all good latley, It seems like they have but theres still something wrong, Ive just cleaned up a bunch of stuff today I had so many cans laying around, cloths unwashed, building up, So whats the issue? well im not 'sick' or nothing, I still exersize the same and still try do the same stuff, but, I havent been cleaning stuff, or making stuff, or drawing as much. lost sight of image, less makeup, I havent had my hair cut in such a long long time it feels, and sorry to ruin the image of me but. I havent even dyed it for. a while it just became too long to manage with that,.. so is this a Max is depressed and wants to rant about it thing? no. this is more... thinking.
You see I rember the best times of my life, I was that pink haired person who drove a muscle car and life was awsome, so what changed? I dunno life I guess, It kinda became impractical to maintain such old cars for daily use, and I kinda got a little loanly due to the fact that all my freinds have turned into adults.. with me. So they all have familys, there all busy, doing... Family stuff? and I pretty much have work then free time... thats really it? so I spend a lot of time here, drawing modding, wich is why I let my image drop latley. But thats only part of it. so let me explain the real issue here.

I am Not creative.

Some people.. at this point are going to wonder exactly what I mean, Might be slightly confused?
So lets see.
I Draw comics, I make mods, I draw pictures.

That. Sounds like creativity Right?

But what do I draw?
Picutres of cars, carmageddon scenes, girls with big boobs, and portraits of me and my freinds with silly faces, Mostly drawn from memes or rage comics. None of that really is creative,

Carmageddon scenes, Its not really hard to draw cars racing, or running over people, Drawing powerups and such, None of this is new, and Czech has allready done a way better job of making it in a comic, Only he actully added his own cool things at times, where as I just.. tend to redraw the same crap...

so now everybody just sees me as somene that draws the same things, does the same things, and has an un-natural obsession with lifeguards and boobs.

well the.. reson I draw these things is .. I Like drawing these things? To be bluntly honist I dont see the point in drawing something Im not really intrested in drawing... Unless I draw it for somebody.

anyway back to it. the reson all my pics kinda look the same? the car position the poses.
I find something I become good at, and do the same thing, because I like how it turned out, this makes me better at this one thing, Meaning I draw the same more because it turns out better again.. This tho, makes everything else I do lag behind.
For example I cant draw the male body very well I feel like I have no real knowlage there, I am better at scared expressions than others? I can draw cars the best from the front. with perspective type background, because its an easy point to focus on.

Oh and the lifeguards and busty bikini girls? Well Like I said, I love this stuff, and I like to see it because it dosent happen very much, so I fill the gap... Seriusly whens the last time you saw a carmageddon pic, with bikini girls, or lifeguards, that wasent anything to do with me in any way? Yeah Ive kinda ruined carmageddon...

So thats why I think I lack creativity

- Drawing the same thing over and over
- Not having any real ideas and constantly asking 'What should I draw?'
- The constant mind blanks when I try make comics

Hell lots of my comic stuff is inspired by what I see anyway. even subconsiusly, Ill draw something I think is new. and it turns out ive allready seen that. as I then rember... damn..

Oh and Im a long time C1 and C2 modder too right?

Really when was the last time I made anything that was not just a direct replica of a real life car re-created in carma, Yeah I like doing it, and Without sounding like an ass I belive I became fairly good at recreating things.. Given the tools I had that were older than most COD was fun, but looking back I never really did anything.. New.. other than truck mod, and well thats just playing with bounding boxes, the idea was allready there Im just the one who happend to finish it.

I cant really think up anything 'new' Ideas are hard...

'Banging my head against the wall'

Im.. Stuck,
I Said I would carry on with the comic game, I said it was my turn
I said I would finish the comic of nobby in hell
I said I would keep doing episodes of Carmageddon Online
I said I was going to finish the carmageddon sonic comic.

I. am unreliable,
Even to myself, even with all that I still had a weekly comic planed feturing rednecks in carmageddon, Had planned another comic about hell, odbviusly with busty sucubi, I even had a comic planed with carma crossovers. Like a wreck it ralph world carmageddon thing.. but never started those ones.
Ideas, I forget all my ideas, I strugle to come up with any, most I think of I remember I saw on tv, I feel like I can only recycle ideas rather than coming up with things, I cant even make people laugh in real life other than when I dont mean to, or just make stupid sounds.

So whats my biggest issue here? Does just because im not overly orignal mean that people disslike my stuff? well.. No people have openly told me they enjoy what I do, but I have a conflict about what I really want? I mean.... what do I want?
Well My first answer would be 'I want to be an entertainer' because I love spreading joy, I love seeing the reactions of something I make, and I love being.. Liked,

So how do you do something people like? Well you.. work with something popular I guess? Something you really like, thats allso really popular?

Ask blogs are popular right now arnt they? Dark ones, with girtty drawings?

But oh hey look. Its a not orignal character that you did not make up.

well damn, but, I have been happy enough, Doodling crap the same, modding the same stuff, and drawing samy comics.
My current biggest issue is self confidnace I guess? I cant tell if Im funny or not.. Like I allready said I think Im not tho.. but who knows.

Currently Im kinda bummed about the whole 'nobody cares' attitude, I know its not true but, its hard to keep motivated at times. WE are all attention seekers. Im allways more happy when someone comments on stuff.
WIch is part of it, Im on a number of diffrent websites, doing diffrent things, and it seems like everythings dried up, Its impossible to get comments on devintart. My art topic here sinks like a rock, and the other places Im just invisable,

So I guess in the end, after getting all that out, it comes down to one thing,
Do you think I should carry on doing what Im doing, the same way Im doing it? Ill never be, famus or anything but I allways wanted a small fanbase and such of my work, I like.. to create.

And what kind of carmageddon art do you like?.. if any, do ya care about art?

Just so ya know Ill fill in this, Im ok, I may be messy and untidy and not sleep enough of late, but Ive got in touch with parents, and well They are helping, so that I dont fall into a deep depression cycle, I am going to get real cleaned up, hair dyed, styled, new cloths, redecoration of house and start this whole fresh thing
I just want to thank you very much for reading this and for any comments
and if anybody could give me some tips id greatly apreciate that, Tips on how to be more creative insted of just recycling jokes, and drawing the same thing, tips on how to be... Intresting, Id hate to come across as very boring.
Im now going to lay down, take a nap, and get rested up from my lack of sleep. Ive been getting about 4 hours a night for a while now.

Oh one last thing
I spent a real long time just typing that out, to click the Post button and be greeted with.

Imagine if I did not back it up huh?
I think my mind would have snaped in half if I dident.

Damnit therapists.. if you want to help me why do I have to pay

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skyNET's picture
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Submitted: Tue, 05/05/2015 - 04:12

In the age of internet, all I can possibly recommend is to read up on the matter that concerns you, but don't take anything as inherently true or good for you. Google told me this and this (the latter has a shit ton of links to read upon).

I say everyone has ups/downs in life, and I think everyone is capable to overcome any obstacles life might hurl in the way. If not by "force", then by chance, if it makes any sense. I usually end up getting drunk/stoned/laid when in doubt, and things start to get brighter for a while :) Wouldn't really recommend 2 out of three as a real solution, though :)
Therapists have to make a living too, that's why they want your money. If I want to twist it in a weird way, they live on others' suffering. Hard to find a good one.

All the best wishes!

lemonrev's picture
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Submitted: Tue, 05/05/2015 - 05:07

Maxine Motivation IS the main key here.

You have mostly burnt your self out with time, and comments that have just built up over the years.

being creative can be very hard, Trying something new, Do you remember that odd picture you once uploaded in here which was a hole mess of snakes / ufo's and people going insane ?. That was Unique original.

So i suppose what you have to do is take a break from all of this, You said it your self that having far too many things is maybe over crowding you in a way that is just compiling on your activity's of life.

Your upset with life like i am with having friends with family and stuff but you need to get to know what it is you really want.

No one can tell you how to do this. Spending time in a mall, Go shopping ? go out into the woods sit down and just let what comes come...

Many different ways of opening up your thoughts and not trying to BOG your self down with so much that your creating a big bag of luggage you can not hold or control.

What you have done is amazing but if a break is what you think you need then take it.

The post was big. But i am glad you came clean, Getting this stuff out there, being heard, you can come to a discussion about what it is you want to do.

I might not be floating in here as often as you anymore but i do come and check up on things.

When you wake up and read this, Slow down with how many things you have going.

Let your thoughts be and do not force anything, Let things come to you, If you must Draw something when your not even thinking, I think you will find some interesting stuff even you will not know what you have done till you have done so.

Take care Maxine,

Psyrgery's picture
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Submitted: Tue, 05/05/2015 - 07:38

I quite like your stuff Maxine, I regularly visit your doodles thread and have some laughs.

Some of your pictures are very impressive, perhaps not on the same level as Czech's BUT worth admiring anyway.

Not only that, I find your persona part of what makes the Carma community so awesome. In the past I used to visit the CWA boards (not as aregistered user, but as a lurker) and your drawings always caught my eye, they were among Razor's Escare, Coffy_pyramid and Tosh's amazing creations. Then there's your mods as well. I think you deserve some credit for what you've created.

Maybe you need to take a break. It is normal to feel unmotivated and frustrated sometimes which can lead to thoughts about considering your lifestyle, hobbies... If you want an advice, just listen to your heart (sounds lame, I know). Take a rest, do some sports, take a holiday, play videogames... ENJOY YOURSELF. And forget about other people lives, it is about you.

And then, if you feel like it, draw some more (only if you feel like it). Remember it's a hobby, not an obligation.

Many people will welcome your new pictures, me among them.

If you also feel your drawing needs to be improved, there's thousands of tutorials in the internet. BUT, consider this question: Do you aim to impress people with your drawing style, or do you draw because it pleases you?

Take care Maxine

Max is back. Let there be blood and motor oil

AlexTSK's picture
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Submitted: Tue, 05/05/2015 - 09:06

The only advice I can give is just to stick with it. Don't give up and just keep doing the things that you like. Everyone eventually starts to stagnate because we get comfortable at doing the thing we are good at, not trying to break out of that cycle in any way. If you want to become 'more' of something, be it funny, original, creative etc. you have to try new things. You also have to be ready to fail, a lot. Failure is the only way that you will find that specific thing that works for you that you love doing over and over and never get tired of. But once again, make sure that every now and then you do something different. There's nothing wrong with sticking to a routine, we humans appreciate routines in one way or another. Routines keep things structured and let us have more focus but you have to break them once in a while just to have that fear of the unknown again. Fear is the one thing that is pretty much constant in our lives but its also a really good driving force. If you're afraid of failure it means you're out of your comfort zone, and you don't know if what you're doing is going to work or fall flat. Use that fear to push forward and try those new things, you never know what you'll get :)

If you want to improve on your art you have to be willing. Read the books and watch the tutorials and try the new methods. Try looking at things you don't normally take notice of and draw that, just to try it. You never know that you may enjoy doing a specific thing if you haven't tried it, it may sound horrible in your head but our heads can be deceptive and unless you actually do it you won't ever really know. Also, unfortunately there are certain things that you simply might not enjoy that form part of a specific process. It's just something you have to get over if you want to improve. Push past those 'boring bits' and you'll will get to the end result, don't quit because of an obstacle is what I'm saying.

That said, what works for me may not work for you as we are all different and we all learn at our own pace. Just take the best pieces of advice that you think are worthwhile from the comments and do your best to apply them.

Hope this was helpful in some way :)

Edited by: Bloodstability on Tue, 05/05/2015 - 09:07
FatCat's picture
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Submitted: Tue, 05/05/2015 - 10:51

Motivation is hard to get for some people, and it doesn't help when you don't feel like your peers do much of the same thing as yourself. When I do art alone for myself, by myself, it kinda makes the art feel pointless. At least for me. This place feels like it had all of its art magic sucked out when people lost interest with time.
Edited by: FatCat on Tue, 05/05/2015 - 11:01
CzechDeath's picture
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Submitted: Tue, 05/05/2015 - 11:25

Well this was biggest fucking post that I've ever read and not skip.

Maxine... your problem seems probably to lead to bigger issue. What you are trying to solve here is side effect of your very personality. As all problems are exactly that for all of us.

Dive deep in self analysis - takes long time to map it all. Do not judge your self or others, Respect that you see reality certain way and that people see it their often different way.

From there you can see what in your life you do and did for your self and what you do and did, just to appear in certain way to others, yet it not really being you. Identify what is your mask and what is you...

You will discover tons of shit as everyone who goes tru this... be absolutely honest to your self.

With this you will put your mind to ease more and more and that is where creativity is. The flow of free unburdened mind.

It is in no way instant process, but it is only process by which you can help your self. Improve your self, Because nobody will do that for you. Lots of people can make illusions that they did that for you and some will ask even money for it...

But in fact your saviour is you. Befriend your self. The more you for give your self and others the more free you will be the more you will discover about you and resulting emotions will want to get out exactly as creativity. Make depressing dark shit, make happy even naive pictures everything and anything.

That is my advice to you. I speak ONLY from my own experience, this all I have went tru and I'm still on this path, because I want to die, knowing my self...not rich, not famous, not strong, not artifically happy.

Forget the "keep smiling" bullshit, forget whole new age mumbo jumbo about positive thinking, those things you cannot honestly achieve without the very own intimite personal experience of being your self and living for your self.

Edited by: CzechDeath on Tue, 05/05/2015 - 11:30

Gravedrinker's picture
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Submitted: Tue, 05/05/2015 - 11:54

My main advice here would be taking inspiration from a zombie. He saw a car drive past, and he starts walking. He follows the dream.When will he get there? Eventually.

He will inevitably get there, because he just follows that road. No doubts in himself, in his decision. Just keep walking. Good things come to those that keep going.

And yeah that zombie probably gets in a hailstorm sometimes, he probably trips over some junk left in the street. But he just keeps going, and if it is by crawling.

Bruce Lee's advice "Be water, my friend" holds true, but sometimes you just got to be the zombie.

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Toxic's picture
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Submitted: Tue, 05/05/2015 - 13:00

All I have to say on the matter is, boobs are good! Be they on a lifeguard or not :)

Keep drawing Maxypoos! :)

Mad Mike's picture
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Submitted: Tue, 05/05/2015 - 16:16

The only advice I can offer, is to take some time out, figure out who you want to be, and what it is that you want to do. Try some different styles that are a little outside of your comfort zone, and if it doesn't work out - then you can try something else next time round.

Avoid judging yourself against your friends & peers. Everyone gets there at their own pace and in their own time. Life is not about the destination, it's about the journey (as cheesy as it sounds). I can empathize with being lonely and it seeming that everyone else has moved on. All of my old friends from school & college have got the big career job & are settling down, while I'm stuck in a menial service job.

Sometimes Life does suck, when that happens it is best to take a step back and think about what it is that you want. It doesn't matter what everyone else wants, it matters what you want. At the end of the day it is only you that can make yourself truly happy.

I've always enjoyed the drawings you come up with. It's a unique, entertaining style that is yours and nobody else's. Keep doing the things you love, try something a little different once in a while and see how it turns out. Even if it doesn't turn out any good, you'll still learn something from it.

One man... Alone... Wrecking opponents in the Automobile he loves
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Mad_Maxine's picture
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Submitted: Tue, 05/05/2015 - 18:26

For someone who is used to not really getting replys and such this kinda feels like an overwhelming reply.

I allways have it in the back of my mind if people like what I do or not, I cant help it its a form of paranoia, I dont trust freinds at times.. but hey. I have cleared this space up a little, and theres no, cans or junk on my pc desk, this feels like a small step in posative life that will also help me with drawing... Also I should try sleeping.

But Ive just read all of your comments, after I made that topic and left I again got paranoid, I started to really worry that maybe people would take it the wrong way, like ive just typed 'A bunch of random emo bullshit' but this, is an amazing response really that you all took the time to actully type out a helpfull message... hell I even understood lemonrev for the first time ever.

My main issue is I dont want to be a dissopointment. every time I dont finish a comic, I fell like 'ah people were looking forword to the end' especially when they.. say they are, wich happend in the hell one.. But yeah some of ya be right, I am trying to do too much with the time I have here, so Im going to slow a little..
No more comics and such for now, but I may try to just draw later, I dont think I have sat down to just draw something latley without thinking 'Damn I need to finish... ' And its all become kinda too much, with my carma projects and all..

and I feel, kinda ok? Letting all this out? Really did help. I feel, better? Esepcially seeing the support from here, from all the people I consider freinds.
Right now I plan to play some nice calm simulation stuff, and do some totally unpressured for my self modding, wich I might show off if it becomes.. show worthy? :P

So thank you once again for reading all my uncreative emo crap, and thank you for the advice, support, and understanding,
and I guess as you say Il try do what I enjoy rather than, trying to make people happy? Tho I do enjoy doing stuff to make people happy? a contridiction? Oh well, Oh well.. what the carmageddon community wants has never stoped me just rebuilding boring real world cars before :P

I allmost feel like drawing? but kinda dont? WTF Brain, U Y NO WORK

well Ill be hanging around here, and playing euro truck sim. if I draw or not today who knows -shrugs- itll probly just be to draw boobs anyhow.. or to research into gamers again..

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